The Eschatology of Parenting or Parenting in Light of The End Times

Dr. Russell Moore of Southern Seminary has written two very good articles on the eschatology of parenting. Today, because I believe many parents can benefit from these articles, I have copied and pasted both articles in their entirety below. You can find Dr. Moore's articles in their original form on his blog at http://www.russellmoore.com/.

The Eschatology of Parenting

Yesterday I helped a toddler clean up a 44 ounce cup of Coke Zero he’d spilled everywhere (yes, it was mine; and no, there were not 44 ounces left remaining in it when he found it). I answered forty questions about whether Jesus made Lego blocks (so stay tuned for my new sermon series on “The Logos and the Legos”). And I disciplined a tantrum thrower and a sulker.
All of that was about the end times.

When we think of Christian eschatology, we tend to think first of prophecy charts or apocalyptic novels, but nothing is more eschatological than parenting.

A parent disciplining a child, for instance, communicates to the child the discipline and judgment of God in ways deeper and more resonant than any Sunday school lesson (Heb 12:5-11). A parent who will not discipline a child for disobedience, or who is inconsistent in doing so, is teaching that child not to expect consequences for behavior.

In short, a parent who will not discipline is denying the doctrine of hell.

At the same time, a parent who disciplines in anger or with harshness teaches a judgment of God that is capricious and unjust. An abusive parent, worst of all, ingrains in a child’s mind a picture of God as a ruthless devil who cannot be trusted to judge justly.

Parental discipleship and discipline ought always to have repentance and restoration in view, picturing a God who is both just and the justifier (Rom 3:26). Discipline should be swift and fair with quick reconciliation between parent and child. Long periods of “time out” do not communicate the discipline of God; they communicate the isolation and exile of hell.

Parents who spend time with their children, especially at meals, demonstrate something of the harmony they want their children to long for beyond this life. It’s a longing to eat at another Father’s table in the kingdom of Christ.

Moreover, we should teach children to respect and acknowledge authority, attributes necessary for citizens of a democracy for a short time, yes, but more necessary for subjects of a kingdom forever. Teaching children to refer to adults as “Mr. Smith” or “Mrs. Jones” or “Pastor Doe” and to say “sir” and “ma’am” (or the culturally equivalent signifiers of authority) is about more than politeness. It is training children to recognize proper hierarchy and authority when the veil is lifted and we see face to face.

Those of you who are parents probably grow weary and discouraged sometimes. I know I do. It seems as though you’re not “getting through” sometimes, that your children aren’t responding the way you thought they would. Keep hugging. Keep kissing. Keep chastising. Keep teaching. This is a long-term project. You’ve got a long-term project in front of you. And there’s a lot at stake.

After all, parenting isn’t about behavior modification. It’s about Christian eschatology.

How "Hellish" is Time-Out?

Some commenters on the last post have raised the issue of “time out” as a tool for discipline, especially in light of my statement that extended periods of “time out” don’t communicate well the discipline of God over his children.

Some asked, “What about the exile?” Others noted, “Since godly parenting demonstrates belief in hell, why shouldn’t we employ a means that captures the isolation of hell?” Good points all.

First, the key issue in my argument isn’t with “time out” if by “time out” one means a short period of isolation in order to prompt the child to calm down or to reflect on the gravity of the situation. The key issue is extended periods of “time out” in which the regular discipline of the home is to remove the child from the life of the family.

There are homes in which “time out” is a means of social control in the household. Rather than disciplining and restoring, children are routinely sent into isolation for long periods of time.

Second, discipline isn’t punishment. God doesn’t punish his children. He disciplines them. This is the argument of Hebrews 12. Discipline pictures hell only in one way, that actions have consequences. This is why Jesus calls us to the self-discipline of the gouged-out eye or the cut-off hand rather than face the justice of God in hell (Matt 18:7-9).

Discipline isn’t condemnation though. There is no condemnation for those who’ve been adopted into the household of Jesus (Rom 8:1). The quickness of discipline is itself a sign of acceptance. Those who are perishing aren’t disciplined at all. They are given over to themselves, and their judgment comes upon them in the end (see, for example, the pattern of Esau, also referenced in Heb 12).

God’s discipline though is swift and purpose-driven. He seeks not to isolate but to drive the erring sheep back into the sheep-fold, to welcome the repentant son back to the table.

If “time out” in your house is a tool to prompt thinking, while the child waits for swift discipline and restoration, then have at it. If “time out” is a means of punishing the child by removing him from the fellowship of his family, then you’re removing him from the very means of discipleship he (and we) so desperately needs.